(for the record, this isn't supposed to be a complaining post...it's more just searching for answers from other moms who have been there.)
Finn is at the stage where he puts everything in his mouth, knocks over stuff he shouldn't be playing with in the first place, pulls out toys we've just put away, and so on. He's a sweetie; he just happens to be a curious sweetie.
I used to do my daily jobs with the boys (making beds, getting dressed, doing dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, laundry, all the basics.) But add Finn to the mix, and it's more than I can handle. I used to put him in the Ergo, but now my body is too tired from exercising to even contemplate that. Plus he's heavier now.
So I've stopped doing those things while the boys are up, thinking that I'll get to them during nap time.
But guess what? Nap time rolls around, and I'm tired too. So I take a nap (or exercise), thinking that I'll finish up the dishes after dinner. And the laundry and whatever else I've neglected.
Suddenly dinner is over, and who wants to tackle a mountain of laundry or a whole day's worth of dishes? Or move at all?
Usually by then I am so wiped out, it's all I can do to organize the dirty dishes into the sink to soak until morning. That way I feel like I'm doing something without really doing anything.
Which means that nothing substantial gets done, and the cycle continues the next day. So, basically, I need help. Without the daily jobs to give us a routine, the days seem very long.
For the most part, the older two boys play pretty well together and I can manage to get quite a bit done while they play if the baby is sleeping, but then I feel like I am wasting the time we have without the baby (usually we read together.) Or I feel as though I am too task driven and never stop to play with them.
In all honesty I am not a big fan of housework (who is?!) and would gladly not care about it, but I have just enough house-pride to be embarrassed if someone came over and saw this place. Plus, I really like the idea of having the boys work alongside me throughout the day because I think it teaches good work habits, I am just not sure how to put it into practice.
I have a feeling that some of the experienced moms out there would just tell me to get down to business and deal with the inconvenience. That simply being with the boys, whether working or playing is what is important. And that is probably the truth. Good results take hard work.
So, I've got the theory, I just need the practical knowledge (and encouragement!) Any suggestions of how to do this with three little ones?
4 comments:
can Finn have play time in his crib or a packNplay? that way he's contained? hope things get better - it's a hard stage, but you will get through it. Or maybe he could have coloring or play time in his highchair? Not all day, but just for a half an hour while you get something done? Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with the older boys playing without you. I struggle with that, too, but if there's a balance, I think it's good for them to learn to play together just them.
I just want to say that I've always been really impressed with how much you accomplish. Your boys are super sweet and well-behaved -- you haven't let the busyness become an excuse for lazy parenting. OR an excuse for becoming lazy with yourself. I'm always impressed with your book list, the fact that you are taking time to run/work out, AND cook, AND be a wonderful mom/wife who is intentional about the way she parents and loves her family. I know you are not looking for flattery -- advice, rather. But since I find myself in the same place quite often, I am not qualified to advise. ;)
All I can say is don't feel guilty or pressure yourself to be doing more than what you are. Find a way to get done only the very basics with housework and accept that this isn't a stage of life where your house will be sparkling clean at every moment. Just keep reminding yourself that there will be YEARS of an empty house when your boys are grown and you have all the time in the world for housework. That thought always makes me want to drop the laundry and go play with them while I still can. :)
I like what Elly said. You totally rock.
One of the things that has helped me with only just one! is setting the timer. Get as many dishes done in 15 minutes and then tell the boys something like "when the dishes are done and the timer goes off we will run to the park." Or read a book together. Then after that set another 15 minutes and accomplish one other task, even if that means leaving it half done if the timer goes off before you're done. It will help tremensly.
Also, I like the idea of contained play, or boundrie training. try setting up baby gates in the nursery or just in one small part of the house and tell the boys that is where they need to stay until Mama is done.
And I love what Elly said, so true!
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