First of all, HELLO THERE EVERYONE.
(All one of you - Hi MOM!)
(Joking! My mom isn't into blogs, even the one her daughter writes. Perhaps especially the one her daughter writes, because then she'd freak out at all the personal information I am sharing with the world. On the other hand, mom DOES like paper shredders.)
Well, then.
We Hutchies of Hutchinlove are still alive and mostly well. Physically, tired-bordering exhaustion, some days. Mentally, mostly stable-ish. Spiritually, striving to grow.
Adding a third child to our family has definitely rocked our world. Yes, friends had warned us. I guess we thought we would just roll with it like we did with the other two. Not so much.
The thing is, Finn is literally the best, most sweetest baby ever (yes, I know "most sweetest" is the most worstest grammar ever, but he really is just that sweet), so it must be that simply adding another little person to the family is a BIG deal.
It's really not the baby that is the stresser. Not pointing any fingers in case you read this someday, Sharks and Deedo. My grandma did tell me that it wouldn't be the baby I'd need to pay attention to. True dat, grandma.
All that to say, I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to lay down my life in service to others, in this case, serving my children. The verse I have been thinking of a lot is this one, from Colossians 3:23-24.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
This is hard stuff for me. I don't think I realized the intensity of my selfishness until Finn came along.
In the past I could still mostly do what I wanted, and the kids would simply tag along. I could hang out with friends, I could read during naptime, I could go to the grocery store without having a panic attack. Now all of those things are more dificult. And sometimes I don't like the loss of freedom, which is ultimately my selfishness rearing its ugly head.
I just watched a documentary, God Grew Tired of Us, about the Lost Boys of Sudan. Some of the boys (really they were men by the time they arrived in the States) were working themselves into exhaustion with two or three jobs, just so they could send money back to their families to help them. (By the way, it is worth watching. I cried through the whole thing though; it was very moving for me.)
The Lost Boys worked hard for their families because they loved them, and because they felt it was their duty to help them. Yet, though I have an easy life in most respects, some days I can't be bothered to put my book down to play with the kids or do the dishes.
So, while I am experiencing the loss of self that always occurs with the arrival of a new baby, a lot of it is simply letting go of my selfish desires to do what I want, when I want. Instead of serving my children as I would serve Christ, too often I see them as barriers to what I want to do.
In the interest of directing my thoughts to the Cross, this will be my refrain for the days and weeks to come, from a hymn by Elizabeth Prentiss:
More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear Thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!
Once earthly joy I craved, sought peace and rest;
Now Thee alone I seek, give what is best.
This all my prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!
4 comments:
Hmmm, I think I can relate, although it happened to me when we had our second because he would not sleep. Banjo was on a great routine, sleeping until 9 or so and then came super t up at 6 every day and sometimes 4, etc. I didn't sleep through the night for a year.
It was very sanctifying. JMurrs is sanctifying in other ways, but the fourth, um, she's pretty easy.
Amen sister. Though I have to admit I was a bit surprised to hear you didn't realize the extent of your selfishness until the 3rd arrived. I got ratted out by Olivia within about 3 weeks. I just memorized Colossians 3 a few months ago - found similar encouragement. I've never been a big one for posting bible verses on the bathroom mirror, but lately I have started doing that - ones, like the one you posted, that encourage me to live right with the kids. It is hard. It has been fun because I will have one up there for a month or two and then God just seems to show me another one and I replace it. I'm not necessarily memorizing them, but practically...I read it every time I sit on the pot! Miss you all.
Mandy, I have started doing that with verses too. Well, actually, it's more with hymns. I guess with Sharks and Deedo, it was easier to mask the selfishness, or at least pretend it wasn't there. Or maybe I was just trying to survive and wasn't very self-reflective?
Jonesey, sometimes I feel like it's a steep learning curve, and just when you have one figured out, the next one comes along, and BAM, you are back to square one. Bring on the sanctification (I am so going to regret saying that!)
very similar thoughts over here in my neck of the woods. was pretty easy to keep up my own stuff with just two around. and the baby is totally easy the one right now; it's just something about having 3 altogether that has left so little time for what i want to do. it has made me think (and sadly, sometimes resent) a lot about how my whole life every day is serving serving serving. thanks for sharing that verse. it helps to remember we do this for Christ, as much as we are doing it for our little boys.
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